Know how much you guys like the word literally. And bathrooms. So these are literally some of the nicest bathrooms in Newton.

This tub. Shut. Up.

The ancient romans used marble in their baths. So do the people on W Newton Hill.

Don’t even tell me this floor is heated.

Double vanity. I can’t even you guys.

Today’s blog comes from fantasy land — AKA the Wall Street Journal real estate section. Gonna sum this up real quick for you guys. Very rich people are now making gigantic kitchens with double, even triple, appliances and multiple islands so there’s “enough room for all the chef’s in the kitchen.”

Think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I mean talk about #richpeopleproblems huh?

Take Don & Rela. They have an 8,800 sq/ft home that’s on the market for $21.5M. In Napa. They have 4 islands. Before Christmas, they used one of the islands for coring & steaming persimmons.

Don & Rela — what are you even talking about. Persimmons on Christmas? You’ve got this insane kitchen, the Wall Street Journal over and oh yeah you live in Napa. This is tenderloin and wine time. If I had a handful of persimmons right now I would throw it/them/whatever at my laptop.

 

 

Next is Akiva & Sharon. With their 15,000 sq/ft vacation home in the Hamptons they’re selling for $8.995M. Akiva built the house with his brother. Guy’s name is Yale. Not even kidding you guys.

The $500,000 kitchen measures 1,100 sq/ft — probably to make room for the double fridge & freezers. I just look at this set up and think imagine all the people you could take to cold one city. Look at the wine fridge. Empty. Bet Yale had some golf buddies over for a tasting and then forgot to re-stock. Hey Yale – this is why Akiva & Sharon want to sell. Because you do inconsiderate stuff like this.

 

Title pretty much says it all. The kitchen is done. I’ve seen it. It’s awesome. John says he’s gonna blog it but I don’t know.

I mean this is the last update we had from John. In October you guys.

Look if we all lived on Eliot Street I wouldn’t care. But we don’t. We live on America’s Favorite Street (.com). And when you live on America’s Favorite Street you show off your new kitchen. Like I did for all of 2015.

Or like Ed did when he blogged his kitchen renovation last year.

C’mon John. You have a new kitchen and I have no content for the blog. Gimme something amigo.

 

 

Everybody knows Zillow. The real estate site that uses an algorithm to determine the current market value of your home. Don’t ask me how it works. I failed algebra 2 in high school. Management tried to tutor me but I was always like why don’t we study in my room?

Enough about high school tho. Zillow has a feature called Make Me Move. Homeowners can put a price on their home that would be high enough for them to move without formally putting their house on the market.

It’s so obnoxious you guys. You get a bunch of homeowners that throw up ridiculous prices just to see what happens. Well let me tell you what happens. Nothing. They wind up insulting buyers who are generally smart people. It would be like me posting my house for $2 million on Make Me Move. I only have 1 bathroom upstairs and it’s atrocious.

Take 17 Howard for example. It’s over near Franklin and on Make Me Move for $975k.

Who eats like this? With a giant vase next to you? The flowers would be like scratching the side of your face while you chew. Good luck talking to the person next to you. You’d have to like look around or under the flowers to see them. Honestly you guys.

4 new high-end gyms are opening this year on RT 9 you guys. If you’re sick of BSC and their free wifi (huge question mark), give these places a look.

Barry’s Bootcamp:

No idea who Barry is but he says his workout is the best in the world. Treadmill intervals with some strength and core work mixed in.

Just looking at the photo below this is gonna be a hard no for me. This looks like a class in a small room with a bunch of treadmills facing some mirrors. Can you imagine how loud and sweaty this place is? You fall off your treadmill this class doesn’t stop. Doesn’t even slow down.

 

BTone Fitness: 

Pilates classes on Pilates Megaformer machines. Whatever those are.

Pilates is hard as shit. The photo below is of like minute 1 of the workout. Guarantee you the dude in blue will never go back again. Already has that look like oh shit I’m in trouble.

 

Life Time Athletic:

Giagantic gym with 7 fitness studios, 400 machines, spa, cafe and really nice locker rooms.

Of the 4 gyms this is most my speed. Kinda place where you can do 2 of my favorite workouts.

First is the executive workout. That’s where you go and just use the steam room then go home. Don’t even bother putting on or even taking gym clothes.

Second is the millennial workout. That’s where you actually put on gym clothes but just stretch near an outlet and charge your phone while watching funny videos.

 

YogaWorks:

Yoga classes with ballet barre, resistance bands and a Great Yoga Wall.

I’m possibly the least flexible person on earth. So why join a gym where I would totally embarrass myself every time I go? If I want to embarrass myself I’ll run a 5k or play pick-up basketball.

Can you even imagine the side-eye Management would be giving me when I say I’m going to YogaWorks? Or if I went out for pinot with my new gym friends after class? Would be insane you guys.