So Boston.com has a column called Love Letters for people seeking relationship advice. It’s just a goldmine for blogging. Like my boyfriend is cheating but my 2 cats seem really comfortable around him — what should I do? — Confused in Wellesley.
I just can’t pass it up any longer. So occasionally I’m gonna blog Love Letters with some real advice. Here goes:
Regardless of circumstance (for example, the person you’re dating being very recently out of a three-and-a-half-year relationship), what is a reasonable amount of time to “wait” to become exclusive?
It’s been just about five months and we had another drunken discussion about this the other night. He said that he wants “us” but just can’t right now. He feels a great connection with me, thinks we have something really special, is crazy about me – basically acts like my boyfriend, is so sweet, affectionate, giving, etc., but he just isn’t ready to commit yet.
He said that he understands that it’s unfair on my end and wishes he “could give me the world” and doesn’t fault me if I go do my own thing, but that he doesn’t want to lose me and can’t imagine his life without me. He said that he feels totally selfish for essentially saying, “I want this, but just not right now,” but that’s just where he’s at. I feel stuck. I am in love with him and I see a future with him, but I don’t know how long I am supposed to wait. I use the word “supposed” loosely because I know there isn’t a set time, but am I being blind to some other truth here? That he will never commit to me, and that if he really wanted to he would have by now? That he’s stringing me along until something better comes along? Or should I wait this out because of what I think we have?
– Stuck in Boston
Stuck in Boston — guys who say stuff like “I wish I could give you the world” and “I want this, but just not right now” are full of shit. Not like a little full of shit, like all the way full of shit. Think Matt Dillon in Something About Mary.
He might say you two have a “great connection” but he’s sleeping with other women. No doubt. Probably has a “great connection” with like 3 other women. I mean it’s been 5 months. If he was gonna commit, he would have done it already. He even told you it was cool if you wanted to sleep around too. This is not a relationship it’s like what happens when you’re on Tinder (I think — Management won’t let me have an account). Stuck in Boston — tell this guy you took his advice, hooked up with another dude and found a “great connection” then never talk to him again.