So you guys on the street have been on me to read 50 Shades.  Said it had no literary value but read it anyway — kinda like the blog.  One morning I walked out to my car and it was on my windshield. So here’s Part 1 of my review.

So I guess 50 Shades is a new book that everyone’s talking about.  Somebody said there was going to be a movie too.  I don’t know.  The author is E.L. James.  Is this a guy or a gal?  Remember JK Rowling wrote all those books and everyone was like who is this person?  Same deal here with E.L.  We’re just never going to know.

The 2 main characters in this book are Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.  Total porn names.  Let’s start with Christian.

So this guy is like 28 and has a business empire and is already a billionaire.  Everytime E.L. describes him she says oh my.  Like Christian’s very handsome — oh my. Christian’s hair was wild — oh.my.  Christian took off his pants oh.MY.  This guy is a total control freak and I would probably never kick it with him.  He’s always telling Anastasia (Ana) to finish her food or go to sleep or do some other stuff.  Take a few plays off kimosabe.

Probably my biggest beef with Christian is he has this business empire and just stops working when he meets Ana, a 22 year old college senior. Who does that?  If I was a Sr. VP at Grey Industries, in meetings I’d be like — hey, anybody else concerned Christian doesn’t work anymore because he’s trying to make some college chick his new submissive?  This a red flag to anybody else?  No — ok let’s look at our 1st quarter numbers.

Ana is a college senior assigned to interview Christian when her journalist roommate gets sick.  That’s how they meet.  Ana has her own issues.  She’s a college SENIOR, doesn’t party and is still a virgin.  Uh — why even go to college?  My whole thing in college was let’s have a few cold ones and make some questionable decisions.  Not Ana.  Kinda girl who probably loves 8am classes.  Upside with Ana is she works at a hardware store.

Best part about the book so far is Charlie Tango, Christian’s helicopter.  I think E.L. said it seats 7.  He can basically fly this thing anywhere.  Remember in Pretty Woman when Richard Gere tells Julia Roberts to get dressed up and takes her to dinner — IN SAN FRANCISCO?!? Same thing here.  Total boss move.  Obviously I’ll keep you guys updated on Charlie Tango.