So the PI is a new thing in real estate — stands for Price Increase.  Not Private Investigator.

A PI is the equivalent of a seller taking off their white gloves and slapping buyers across the face with them.  Like they used to do in olden times.  Before duels and stuff.

The sellers at 225 Webster listed their home on Tuesday for $839k.  Today they PI’ed by 900 USDs to $839,900.  Total power move.  The seller probably was like “well we have 4 windows so the price is $839k.  Oh wait we forgot about the small basement window so the price is now $839,900.”

Footnote: Management just finished her thesis and used like a bazillion footnotes.  It’s where you write whatever you want at the bottom of the page.

Footnote: Tom Selleck is one the greatest actors of our time.  This phone is clearly not plugged in.  He’s not talking to anyone.  His acting is just so off the charts you don’t care.

You know this place on Waltham that’s for sale?

The top floor is a condo that’s under agreement for $569k.  3 beds, 2 baths and 2,000 sq/ft.  Betcha didn’t know the interior looked like this:

Or this!

Had enough?

Check out the bedroom.  Only thing missing here is Don Johnson.

This listing has been on the market for 15 minutes and already has me super-steamed you guys.  Look what the listing broker had the AUDACITY to write in the description:

Walk to the elementary school, West Newton Center and public transportation, a commuter’s dream to the Pike and 128, and in a block party community to boot.

Block party community?  On Derby?  Yeah right —  you would get run over.  They don’t close the street down.  They don’t have kids riding their bikes and falling off scooters in the middle of the street.  Only WE do that!

Tempted to call this broker to find out more about the block party.  Forget the house.  Place will be sold this weekend.  I would check DerbyStreet.com but it doesn’t exist.

Anyway, place has 4 beds, 3 baths and 3,005 sq…. just can’t believe this guy wrote that. Block party community.  Not sure if should LOL or SMDH.

Look you guys, we’ve all gotten a lame save the date before.  Like from people you don’t really know that want you to come to their wedding.  On Memorial Day.  Peeking out from behind a tree. Writing their names in the sand.  Or some crap like this…

Who’s feet are getting married here? Why are they the same size?  If this is 2 bros — that’s totally cool — come to scotch club.  If this is guy/girl — this woman has sasquatch feet.

Anyway.  The Randlett Park Block Party is June 1st.  No sasquatch feet.  Open bar — I mean coolers.  Appys, BBQ, desserts — you name it.  Street will be blocked off, mostly to piss off people who speed down it.  Dress I would say is resort casual or “fun New England barbeque.”  (If I knew how to use emoticons I would put one here.)

Somebody will be contacting you telling you what to bring.  Listen to that person.  If you can’t make it, no worries — we’ll talk shit about your latest “home improvement” and use an obscene amount of air quotes to describe the work you’re trying to do.

Organizers have asked me to pass along this Google doc so everyone can update their contact info for the party.

http://bit.ly/1svXmQL

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You know those nice townhouses just across from RP on Watertown St?  One of them just came on for $769k.  3 bed, 4.5 bath with 2,800 sq/ft and finished basement.

Hey guys — it’s me — the chair in front of 350 Waltham St.  You saw me the other day in the rain, but you didn’t pick me up.  Why — because I’m soaked?  Because if you sat on me you would slide right off and hit your head on the curb?

I was once the corner-piece of a really nice sectional.  Could seat like 6 people.  Some people even confused me for leather.  My owners decided to break-up the gang and I did a stint as a video game chair in a teenager’s room.  Things got a little weird in there.  Now I’m on the curb — like that TV a few months back.

Want you to know I have a few good years left on me.  If you want a chair that’s literally impossible to sit up straight in — I’m your guy.  When you sit on me, your head will immediately fall backwards between my giant cushions.  Did someone say awesome for naps?

Next time you drive by — give me a look.  I’ll be here.